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Scriblings of Madness
 
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Joshua's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]
Thursday, July 10th, 2008
6:15 pm
stolen from Ban
Ask me a question about EACH of the following and when enough questions have been submitted I will post an answer to what I consider to be the best question from each category:

1. Friends
2. Sex
3. Music
4. Religion
5. Love
6. Livejournal

Then post this on your blog and see what questions you get asked!
Thursday, February 21st, 2008
11:54 pm
Since Roo and Ban got me motivated....
Think of 15 of your favorite movies, go to IMDB and find quotes for each. Post the quotes. When someone guesses the movie, add the movie name and the person who got it right. (No fair using IMDB to find the answer.) 

There's still a few left, take a crack at them!


1.          C1 My mother always told me that violence doesn't solve anything. 
            C2 Really? I wonder what the city founders of
Hiroshima would have to say about that.
            (Starship Troopers; banantalis )

 

2.         C1 Vaya con Dios, Castle. Go with God. (The Punisher; leaijrn)
            C2 God's going to sit this one out.

 

3.         C1 Then - I don't mean to sound ungrateful - but what are you doing hanging around?
            C2 We're here to pick up chicks.
            C1 excuse me?
            C2 We figure an abortion clinic is a good place to meet loose women. Why else would they be there unless they like to  f***? (Dogma; leaijrn)

 

4.         C1 I know we need the money, but...
             C2 Listen! We're not just doing this for money... We're doing it for a SHIT LOAD of money! 
            C1 Oh, you're right. And when you're right, you're right. And you - you're always right.

            (Spaceballs; banantalis )


5.         C1
Don't you think you're getting a little radical here? 
            C2 What's radical? 
           C1 Blowing a man's head off with a fucking hand grenade is a touch much, don't you          think? 
            C2 You got your way - I got mine. 
           C1 Come on, maybe he doesn't know anything. 
            C2 I don't really care.

 

6.         C1 Well Your Highness, I must say everything is going just swimmingly. I knew you had it   in you, ha ha!
            C2 I let her go. 
            C1 Yes, yes, splen - You... what? How could you do that?
            C2 I had to. 
           C1 Yes, but, but... but... why? 
           C2 Because... I love her. (Beauty and the Beast; leaijrn)

 

7.         C1 It's so quiet.
            C2 It's the deep breath before the plunge. 
            C1 I don't want to be in a battle. But waiting on the edge of one I can't escape is even         worse. (Lord of the Rings: Return of the King; leaijrn)

 

8.         C1 Hey, wait a minute. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hold it. Now, are we actually gonna go   before a federal judge, and tell  him that some moldy Babylonian God is going to drop in on Central Park West, and start tearing up the city? 
            C2 Sumerian, not Babylonian. 
            C3 Yeah. Big difference. 
            C1 No offense, guys, but I've gotta get my own lawyer.

            (Ghostbusters; banantalis )

 

9.         C1: Shall we play a game? 
            C2 Oh!
            C3 I think it missed him. 
            C2 Yeah. Weird isn't it? Love to. How about Global Thermonuclear War. 
            C1 Wouldn't you prefer a nice game of chess? 
            C2 Later. Right now lets play Global Thermonuclear War. 
            C1 Fine.

            (Wargames; calentir )

10.        C1: Wait, before we put a message out, do a search on the word clitoris. 
            C2  Hmm OK Found: 8,000,000 pages found with the word clitoris

            (South Park; banantalis )

 

11.        C1 Our shields are dropping. 
            C2 Then raise them! 
            C1 [pounds fists on console] I can't!
            C2 The override. Where's the override?

            (Star Trek II:The Wrath of Khan; banantalis )

12.        C1 Gunny, I'm afraid of heights. 
            C2 So am
I.
            C1 You are? 
            C2 Jumping out of a perfectly good aircraft is not a natural act. So let's do it right, enjoy     the view. Come on.

 

13.        C1: (To C2), you will always be my captain and I will never forgot what you have taught me. Especially this last lesson. 
            C2 And what lesson is that? 
            C1: To recognize... when it is time to sheathe your sword... for good.

 

14.        C1 How long are you gonna be in town? 
            C2 Not very long.
            C1: That's what I said 25 years ago. 
            C2 Really? What happened? 
            C1: I got married to an ugly woman. Don't ever do that. It just takes the energy right out of you. She left me, though. Found somebody even uglier than she was. That's life. Who can explain it?

 

15.        C1 I have broken the fourth commandment, padre.  (The Mask of Zorro; moongoddess854 )
            C2 You killed somebody? 
            C1: No, that is not the fourth commandment. 
            C2 [pause] Of course not. Tell me, in what way did you break the most sacred of   commandments.
            C1 I dishonored my father. 
            C2: That is not so bad. Maybe your father deserved it. 
            C1: What? 
            C2: I said tell me more, my child


 
Thursday, September 27th, 2007
12:13 am
da towers
stolen from rhen :)



Your home is a

Athletic Gamer's Villa

Your kitchen is actually a GNC franchise, though all you really need are your Power Bars and Red Bulls. There's a pantry with emergency backup caffeinated beverages. You also have some breakfast cereals in there, but you haven't had breakfast since last Spring. Your master bedroom has an on-call masseuse and sports therapist. Your study has current issues of Sports News & Sports Illustrated, marked with a highlighter for better preparing your fantasy sports league. One of your garages houses your Hummer, and others contain your H2, and H3... with room for an H4, if they ever invent one.

Your home also includes a roost for griffons. You've never actually seen a griffon, but you keep the roost ready anyway. Your guests enjoy your home theater with 37 different sports channels. Outside is the moat that protects your home from goblin invaders and extended family.

Below is a snippet of the blueprints:


Build YOUR Dream Home!
Saturday, September 22nd, 2007
12:33 am
merr?
Your results:
You are Kaylee Frye (Ship Mechanic)
Kaylee Frye (Ship Mechanic)
90%
Derrial Book (Shepherd)
80%
Malcolm Reynolds (Captain)
70%
River (Stowaway)
70%
Dr. Simon Tam (Ship Medic)
65%
Alliance
65%
Zoe Washburne (Second-in-command)
60%
Inara Serra (Companion)
60%
Jayne Cobb (Mercenary)
60%
Wash (Ship Pilot)
50%
A Reaver (Cannibal)
25%
You are good at fixing things.
You are usually cheerful.
You appreciate being treated
with delicacy and specialness.


Click here to take the "Which Serenity character are you?" quiz...

Saturday, September 15th, 2007
9:47 pm
job quiz
Stolen from ptlee.
Go to www.careercruising.com.
Put in Username: nycareers - Password: landmark
Take the 'Career Matchmaker' questions at the upper left corner
Post the top 10 results.

Bold = have considered (some seriously, some not so seriously...)
Underline = have done (Considering I've really only had one job on the list...)


1. Conservator

2. Archaeologist

3. Electronics Engineering Tech

4. Electrical Engineering Tech

5. Cable Installer and Repairer

6. Optical / Ophthalmic Lab Technician

7. Chemist

8. Chemical Engineering Tech

9. Industrial Designer

10. Sheet Metal Worker


Should I be bothered my career isn't on here? ;)

Sunday, June 3rd, 2007
3:32 am
On any given day...
On any given day, a person gets the chance to do something extraordinary. Whether it is pulling a man out of a car wreck, convincing a friend to go into therapy, or even just listening when someone needed to talk. I have been blessed enough to know when to act, and when to listen, though many say I still talk too much 
A couple weeks ago I graduated from Whitewater, earning two degrees, and achieving summa cum laude as I ended my five years in college. It’s been a whirlwind of a few weeks, to tell the truth I haven’t really had a chance to reflect on it yet until today. I’ve been working during the week, dodging my family when I’m not at work, and spending a lot of time with Nicole either down by me or up at her house. Yet now the time is here to grow up, and to take my first steps into a new world. It is one that I’ve glimpsed at from the safe windows of Fischer Hall 413, it’s one I’ve flirted with the last few summers, and it’s something I never thought I’d get to hold; now it’s here. Life after college.
I started applying for jobs several months ago, knowing that there would be a long period of rejection, tests, and interviews. I know that there is still a lot of that ahead of me, but it’s the here and now that demands my attention.
My parents threw me a wonderful graduation party, it was going to be family and some friends from school, but it wound up mostly family. The weather was gorgeous all day as the thunderstorms danced their way out of our area, we had the grill going, and I had the first beer boiled brat of the year off of our old charcoal grill. Then I noticed how much had changed.
My oldest cousin is turning 18 this year, when the last I looked he was still in grade school. My other cousin is no longer the “pretty in dresses” girl that used to come to holidays but rather the metalhead about to get her driver’s license. My neighbor’s son whom I used to baby sit is about to start high school, and half my friends are about to get married. It’s a shock to say the least when you wake up from a year at school to discover just what you missed while your nose was in the books. I don’t know if it’s the day winding down or the brat/Mountain dew inspired insomnia gripping me but for some reason I felt the urge to write, and so writing I am.
To tell the truth I’m not quite sure where to go from here. I’m in a very strong limbo until I find gainful employment. It doesn’t pay to find an apartment and drastically change my life over until I find where I’m going to be working, but at the same time I know I can’t stay with my parents any longer. This place just isn’t home, and it hasn’t been since I left for Whitewater those three years ago. This is a stopover, a storage unit, and a place to crash for the night, but it is not “home.” I know many people feel this way after returning from college, but for many of them it goes away as they readjust to their lives with their family. Others find fortune enough to get an apartment and skip the readjustment to going back home, but they have the advantage of knowing that come fall, they’ll still be living in that apartment when school resumes. The result is again, they have a “home.” Fischer Hall 413, my home for three glorious years has been passed on to two new tenants for fall.
Don’t get me wrong, my family is wonderful, and caring and giving, but my time here is at an end. My biggest fear is not the unknown, but rather it’s whom I know. I have made a great deal of friends in my time at good old U dub dub, and when on campus it’s pretty easy to stay in touch with many or all of them. Now that I am gone, and presumably going a lot further away from Whitewater than Elkhorn, I wonder how many I will get to stay in touch with. Invariably I will lose some of the people in my net of friends. There are some people I just won’t allow myself to let go of, but how many people will say the same?
I go now into this, this, “Undiscovered Country” with the knowledge I’ve accrued and all the wit of my soul. I know those who walk beside me, in the shadows, in the light, the day and the night. My only regrets are the things I’ve done over my time in school that hurt those closest to me, when I couldn’t see past the next day to further down the road. But as I made all those mistakes I learned a great deal, and paradoxically I learned not to regret them. I am the man I’ve made myself, with many great friends, and hopefully a long and bright future. The only regret I truly lament is all the opportunities I let pass by.

“And in time all things shall pass away,
In time, you may come back someday.
To live once more, or die once more,
But in time, your time will be no more.”

Thank you everyone I’ve met along my path, May our journey’s always parallel, and when they diverge may we reunite.
Forth my friends into the breach, damn the sails and give them hell.

Current Mood: grateful
Saturday, June 2nd, 2007
11:55 pm
28...
So because I'm a follower at times, it's been reposted. Originally this came from B, and as per number 28, here's my answers. So it's time for everyone on my friend's list to do the same. Ready? Set? Go! :)

1. Your Middle Name:
2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favorite Movie:
5. Favorite Song or Album:
6. Favorite Band/Artist:
7. Dirty or Clean:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:
9. Do we know each other outside of LJ?:
10. What's your philosophy on life?:
11. Is the bottle half-full or half-empty?:
12. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?:
13. What is your favorite memory of us?:
14. What is your favorite guilty pleasure?:
15. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
16. You can have three wishes (for yourself, so forget all the 'world peace, etc.' malarkey) - what are they?:
17. Can we get together and make a cake?:
18. Which country is your spiritual home?:
19. What is your big weakness?:
20. Do you think I'm a good person?:
21. What was your best/favorite subject at school?:
22. Describe your accent:
23. If you could change anything about me, would you?:
24. What do you wear to sleep?:
25. Trousers or skirts?: on me:trousers, on women:
26. Cigarettes or alcohol?:
27. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?:
28. Will you re-post this so I can fill it out for you?
Sunday, February 4th, 2007
2:46 am
revised...session full of ouch!
RIP Meshif and Jayco


-J

Current Mood: chipper
Sunday, January 7th, 2007
11:43 pm
joining the bandwagon
Since I finally got myself an Ipod, I figured I may as well jump on this bandwagon. I'll have to do this again since I left all my good music at school, so this is based on the short selection of what I dug up at home, or remembered to bring home...

so without further ado

THE SOUNDTRACK OF MY LIFE.

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense. [title - artist]

NO CHEATING!

How do you feel today?
"Violence Fetish" ~ Disturbed
(oddly accurate, I'm back at home with the family afterall)

Whats your outlook on life?
"Remenissions" ~ Avenged Sevenfold
(I didn't think I was THAT bad)

What does your family think of you?
"Te Amo...I Hate You" ~ Ill Nino
(Just about sums it up)

What do strangers think of you?
"Another One Bites the Dust" ~ Queen
(to coin a phrase...."merr?"

What do your exes think of you?
"Stupify" ~ Disturbed
(Probably had that coming)

How has your love life been so far?
"Death Blooms" ~ Mudvayne
(DEFINATELY had that coming)

Will you get married?
"Separate" ~ Sevendust
(Not a good sign...)

Will you have kids?
"Inhale" ~ Stonesour
(DOn't know how to take this)

Are you good in school?
"Rebel Yell" ~ Billy Idol
(Well, high school at least...)

Will you be successful in life?
"You Got Another Thing Coming" ~ Judas Priest
(Again....Ouch....)

What song should be played on your birthday?
"Waking the Fallen" ~ Avenged Sevenfold
(Sounds about right)

What song should be played at your funeral?
"Pride" ~ Soil
(Definately sounds right)

You and your best friend are:
"Dig" ~ Mudvayne
(Sure...the irony is that this was our favorite song in high school)

Happy times:
"How Can I live?" ~ Ill Nino
(er..., sorta?)

Sad Times:
"The Mordant Liquor of Tears" ~ Cradle of Filth
(Really beautiful song, just happens to be one of the few instrumental songs I have)

Every day:
"I won't see you tonight, part 2" ~ Avenged Sevenfold
(yup...especially with work)

For tomorrow:
"Relentless" ~ Strapping Young Lad
(Never give up? I suppose)

Your Sex Life:
"I won't see you tonight, part 1" ~ Avenged Sevenfold
(This definately is more of an Alex thing ;) )

How are you going to live your life?:
"Mutatis Mutandis" ~ Mudvayne
(Not sure how to take that either...)
Thursday, January 4th, 2007
9:55 pm
Your results:
You are The Joker
The Joker
84%
Dr. Doom
79%
Mr. Freeze
77%
Venom
75%
Magneto
72%
Apocalypse
72%
Two-Face
67%
Lex Luthor
66%
Riddler
60%
Kingpin
59%
Dark Phoenix
57%
Juggernaut
55%
Catwoman
51%
Mystique
47%
Green Goblin
47%
Poison Ivy
38%
The Clown Prince of Crime. You are a brilliant mastermind but are criminally insane. You love to joke around while accomplishing the task at hand.


Click here to take the Supervillain Personality Quiz

Wednesday, November 29th, 2006
9:29 pm
time for quizzage


You are The Magician


Skill, wisdom, adaptation. Craft, cunning, depending on dignity.


Eleoquent and charismatic both verbally and in writing,
you are clever, witty, inventive and persuasive.


The Magician is the male power of creation, creation by willpower and desire. In that ancient sense, it is the ability to make things so just by speaking them aloud. Reflecting this is the fact that the Magician is represented by Mercury. He represents the gift of tongues, a smooth talker, a salesman. Also clever with the slight of hand and a medicine man - either a real doctor or someone trying to sell you snake oil.


What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Tuesday, November 14th, 2006
3:57 am
Moody Lyrics
"Fixation on the Darkness"---KILLSWITCH ENGAGE

Fixation on the darkness that engulfs this world
Drain the life force of our people, change
Return to the womb, new life
Lay your head to rest, mercy
To give you a peace of mind, lay your head to rest
Come together inside, this body is only a shell
Change, the only way we will survive
Light transfiguration of the soul, of the soul, of the mind
Tell them they will not hold us down, it's time for a change




"When It Cuts"--- ILL NINO



I cannot justify your envy
But I will be understanding when you stay
Then I will satisfy you in every (way)
But I'm not feeling coherent when you say

When it cuts, it cuts, it cuts hard
And I
When it cuts, it cuts, it cuts hard
And I die again

Again

Though I'm right, I don't think I'll win this fight
But I'm trying though it's ripping me inside
Just in case that I'm taking up your space
I'll be feeling too, whatever's left inside

When it cuts, it cuts, it cuts hard
And I
When it cuts, it cuts, it cuts hard
And I
When it cuts, it cuts, it cuts hard
And I
When it cuts, it cuts, it cuts hard
And I die again

I can't go on
I'm not that strong
I'm so alone
You just gotta set me free

I'm still living day, no way
I don't care what you say
Your eyes dispise my lies
Just say goodbye

When it cuts, it cuts, it cuts hard
And I
When it cuts, it cuts, it cuts hard
And I
When it cuts, it cuts, it cuts hard
And I
When it cuts, it cuts, it cuts hard
And I die again

Again, again

Waste your breath


and the one that boggles me the most....


"Cloud Connected"---IN FLAMES
People like you
You live in a dream world
You despise the outside
And you fear you're the next one

It's in your dream
There's just one question
Should I kill?
Or should I be left behind?

Sick and tired
Of all your complaints
This is the hour
We bring it down

[Chorus:]

I've come to realize
Every little glimpse, you fade
I was told that I could fly
When least expected, cloud connected

[Verse:]

You seem to be
So introverted
How come we fail?
With all that is given?

You crossed the line
You remembered my name
Time runs backwards
As we're heading that way

Current Mood: perplexed
Tuesday, November 7th, 2006
4:29 am
I want to play a game...........
EVERYONE is welcome to play...
these songs have found their way intofrequent play on my stereo, so let's play a game...
Name the artists and song these lyrics come from...

1.
"Most would claim I live a lie when pointing out it's easy to predict these things
Every color has its side, they live together vote and most won't read between these lines
Please help us, please save us of coarse they have control we're all the same
Up on the cross, crucified their problem drove the nail and let Him rot
Family and friends, it won't matter in the end I'm sure they'll understand
Now look at the world and see how the humans bleed
As I sit up here and wonder 'bout how you sold your mind, body and soul
Looking at the fields so green I know this sounds obscene
I see you're living for tomorrow but decisions you have made will leave you empty"

2.
"I just want to run fly kites wrestle jump and play
Swim through waves that crash to shore memories in me
cocooned in misery
The darkness overcomes soul soars to the other plain
Existence past the door I sail through purgatory's bay"

3.
"Always, known in, all my time,
A little left of center now
Reflect as I realize,
That all I need is to find the middle pillar path to sit like the sun by a star in the sky and
just be.
Sinners, casting stones at me"

4.
"The day has come for all us sinners, if your not a servant you'll be struck to the ground.
Flee the burning, greedy city looking back on her to see there's nothin' around.
I don't believe in fairytales and no one wants to go to Hell, but we made the wrong decision
And it's easy to see. Now if you wanna serve above or be a king below with us your
Welcome to the city where your future is set forever."

5.
"Mother of creation wait, embrace the souls of a lost world
Carry them away,
Darkness negative receptive,
Pour firmament between our waters
Separate the space
Mother of destruction wait with a belt of
Skulls strap me down
And send the ship away,
Progress with the process, mine the souls
From their casts
Pour form and reshape"

6.
"Grandpappy told my pappy: "Back in my day, son,
"A man had to answer for the wicked that he done.
"Take all the rope in Texas, find a tall oak tree,
"Round up all of them bad boys, hang them high in the street,
"For all the people to see that:"


7.
"I wish I could be the one,
the one who won't care at all
But being the one on the stand,
I know the way to go, no one's guiding me.
When time soaked with blood turns its back,
I know it's hard to fall.
Confined in me was your heart
I know it's hurting you, but it's killing me."

8.
"I know what I am and I'll always be;
Your reality;
Is better than I could dream!
All my fears turn from black to white;
And I'd stand and fight;
The whole world for you!
Faith! faith, and destiny;
I never did believe;
My only god is love and;
Faith! faith, what I see in you;
And I can hold it true;
Like a weight in my hand!"

9.
"Circle of Destruction, Hammer comes crushing
Powerhouse of energy
Whipping up a fury, Dominating flurry
We create the Battery

Smashing through the boundaries
lunacy has found me
cannot stop the Battery
Pounding out aggression
turns into obsession
cannot kill the Battery

Cannot kill the family
Battery is found in me"

10.
"Sometimes I don't know why we'd rather live than die,
we look up towards the sky for answers to our lives.
We may get some solutions but most just pass us by,
don't want your absolution cause I can't make it right.
I'll make a beast out of myself, gets rid of all the pain of being a man."

Current Mood: Wouldn't you like to know? ;)
Thursday, November 2nd, 2006
5:24 pm
days go by
And so it appears that another chapter in my life is complete, though this time I wrote very little of it. Nonetheless it was riddled with errors, mistakes, misinterpretations, and anger, a lot of anger. No longer do I have to deal with unfounded anger, with misplaced aggression towards my friends, or with having my words intentionally twisted around on me, taken drastically out of context, or just completely ignored because it wasn't what wanted to be heard. I'm sorry to all my friends that got dragged into this, you shouldn't have had to deal with all this. But nonetheless thank you, you helped me see what was going on through other sets of eyes, and you gave me the advice I needed to heal my own wounds, and to find a future to move towards. My family is, and always has been number one in my life, and nobody can unseat them, regardless of how much we fight.

So after two months of fighting, healing, and learning I am ready to move on. While this isn't how envisioned things, it is merely how they are. I'm content and happy knowing I'm moving in the right direction, on the right path.

A mis amigos, Se amo ustedes, me han ayudado mucho.

Current Mood: hopeful
Wednesday, October 18th, 2006
5:01 pm
why not take the time
Something I've found is that when the semester hits its midpoint, not only is the stress level at its peak but so is the amount of personal reflection time we need. It's easy to understand why stress peaks this time of year, midterms are right around the corner, homecoming was last week so a lot of homework got put off, and this is also the time that professors realise they are waaay behind so they start to pump up the workload. The resulting stress on us college folks can become quite unbearable, if it weren't for our salvation, self introspection.
When we look at ourselves, I mean, TRULY look into our own hearts and lives we see the problems, we see the thorns in our sides, and we see what must be done. When homework or school work is the problem, the solution is to find better ways to do it, or to find ways around it, or just more efficient ways to study. Sometimes the conflict is inbetween roomates, perhaps one stays up late and the other is early to bed early to rise, or perhaps maybe they just don't get along. This is a stress I've had to deal with in the past, I've never had a roomate I could truly get along with for any period of time, I merely had ones that I put up with. Dave was close, but we just differed on too many things to ever be good friends, but we were good roomates. My current roomate is much the same. We can find compromise on music, we have a lot of common ground on television, mainly sports. Most importantly we have communication, when there's a problem or a concern we just state it and fix it, no bullshit. I think communication is the thing that's been missing from my life, both outgoing and incoming.

This has been one of the best years, and one of the worst for me. I had the good fortune to be part of an incredible complex for homecoming. We fought hard in our events and did wonderful in many of them. The guys on my floor are great, we get along fine and I'm more involved than ever before. I've joined intramural floor hockey with a few of them, we have our Nerf wars periodically, and we have our Iron-Chef cookoffs every other week.Our doors are always open, girls from other floors, even other buildings come up here, it's like living in Tutt without all the floor BS that happens over there. I've also been blessed enough to get my gaming group running again. I can't believe I put it away for so long. While others may ridicule it, I take it openly. The closed minded could never appreciate it. It equates to those who prefer a movie over a book, if your imagination isn't developed, or you simply lack the drive to understand it, then it's clearly not for you, my condolensces.

The limiting factor to all this is time, or rather the lack thereof. I feared at the beginning of the year that between work and interning that I would have no time whatsoever. If things had gone as I'd planned I would have been correct. However, the internship is nowhere near as demanding as expected, mainly because Whitewater is very relaxed and when I sit down to focus on a project I simply fly through it. As for work, things got slow. Several steel mills slowed down for winter changeover, so I took a temporary layoff. Now, that sounds bad, and to some it may be, but this is where my fortunes show themselves. Unemployment baby :) That's right, I'm a slacker, but because I worked my balls off all summer, and because of the "unique" schedule I have I qualify for unemployment, so I'll take it damn it. Even if I were working more, I don't think it would be a terrible strain. I adapted quite well over the last few weeks and have settled into a comfortable rhythm.

I only have a few regrets this semester. The first is obvious. I don't like seeing those I care about hurting, especially when I'm partly responsible, but it had to be done. In time I hope things can be worked out, so I'm being patient and honest and available, but staying distant as was asked of me. My other regret was that I waited this long in school to have more fun. In years past I was active in the complex and on campus, but nowhere near as much as I have been thusfar. I've been able to do more social things, get more involved, and try new things. I help out some of the guys with spanish, I've played Dr. Phil with several people in need, and I've been the braun when my RA gets scared of other residents....hehe.....

It may only be midterms, and yes I'm burned out, but I'm having fun as I go.

Current Mood: contemplative
Tuesday, September 5th, 2006
1:36 am
basement writing
I took a walk around campus tonight, in a failed attempt to clear my mind. Fog, darkness, cold, it was everything I could have wanted, except I was alone. Jeni wasn't there because I broke up with her tonight. As I walked aimlessly around campus, around all the spots that we once walked, I felt like crying, but I didn't. Tears are for those fortunate enough not to be burdened by their conscience. It's been almost a year, and yet all I could focus on were the last two months. This was the woman I gave honest thought to marrying before all the fights began, and tonight it fell to dust. I don't know why. I know that I could no longer take the tearing on my heart and soul of the constant fighting, I refuse to let each of us be destroyed mimmicking Sandy's antics. I saw what she did to Brian, and I won't do that to Jeni. I love her, dearly, and tonight talking with Krystal and Kevin and taking the walk in the woods made me realise that. But to what end? Will the fights still continue? Will we be back to constant fighting if we got back together? I don't know. I want to know the root problems, and fix them. I want her back dearly, to fall asleep with her in my arms, to remember the good times. But everytime that visage enters my mind I'm reminded of the last few weeks, of the fights, and of the heartbreak. I want to be beside her, but I don't want us to be hurting one another.

How do you reconcile a head and a heart whose goals are the same but want to take different routes? May sleep guide me, or if not sleep, then someone insightful.


Joshua

Current Mood: guilty
Monday, September 4th, 2006
1:40 am
guess I have time
Well, I finally found the time and the motivation to write the conclusion to the adventure I want to run. The trouble is that I don't have the rest of the adventure written, I don't have a gaming group to run through it, and I don't currently have the time to run it. But here's a teaser to all interested, maybe they'll motivate me...

The sun sat low on the horizon, nearly blocked out by the smoke rising above the ridge. Below it lay scores of the fallen; bugbears, goblins, and humans alike lay strewn about. The bloodied corpses left to rot stay in their surface graves just hours after the last puffs of breath left their lips. The stench of death has begun to grow, and it's foul allure has brought the carrion eaters from their hiding holes. Crows, Vultures, and foul beasts slowly peck away and strip the still-warm flesh of the dead from the bodies, mere yards from the survivors.
The united free tribes stood together, no longer bearing the numbers they brought to the field that morning. Many fell just trying to stem the black hordes that poured over the ridge, and into the once fertile valley. Among the remaining men and women, a half dozen stand closest to a funeral pyre hastily constructed.
Dressed in black robes, covering a painted breastplate of unknown metal stands the leader. Slowly he pulls his cowl back and presides over the funeral.

"Tonight we stand as the last guardians of all that we hold dear. Around us lay those already fallen, who knew the price of the security we enjoyed for so long. Tonight we honor their sacrifice, and proffer a warning. Jalen gave his last dying breaths to secure the final retreat from the ridge, and for his sacrifice I give to you all his transcendence. No longer is he of this mortal world, I send him on his way to the world of our ancestors, where he may find a peace away from death, away from suffering, and away from the traitor who laid him low." Speaking in a strong, but baritone voice, the man takes a torch from the woman standing on his right, and raises it and his free hand towards the sky, summoning a roar from the remnants of his gathered host.

"With our blessings and hopes do we send Jalen on his way!" The man bellows, swinging the torch out to his side in wind up as he hurls it into the oil soaked kindling of the pyre. The roar quickly turned to gasps as the soaked hay and kindling erupts into a roar beyond the scope any mortal could hope to create with mere lungs.

"I know among the rest of this company, there is one, possibly more that have betrayed us. I, Sylixis, will not allow this to continue. It will be stopped here and now, and the betrayer shall be brought forth, skinned, and left to suffer a traitor's death!" The calm features of Sylixis' face are fast replaced by a scowl and a look of grim determination. The change, so sudden and absent of sympathy cast a pawl over his lieutenants, who though most trusted, soon began to bear the brunt of his gaze. He stared long and hard into each of them, sending his thoughts and internal fire to their hearts and eyes, searching for a breaking point, searching for the betrayer who cost so many lives that day, especially that of the most trusted lieutenant, Jalen.

As Sylixis' gaze settled upon his sixth, and final lieutenant his gaze went from angry and wrathful to one of confusion, and soon to shock as a black blade pushed through the chestside of his breastplate as if it were nothing more than parchment. Blood streamed out of the wound, and a pinkish foam escaped from between his lips, a telling sign that his lungs had taken the brunt of the hit. Moreso it was a sign that the wound was fatal, beyond the reach of any healer.

He stared long at the three inches of blade that extended from his chest, slowly bringing his right hand to rest upon the fine edge of the weapon. His gaze followed the movements of his fingers, running down the top edge towards his chest. Small wisps of black smoke began to melt off of the offending blade, slowly growing and enveloping the sword. When the whole of the blade, not just the part that had pierced his lungs, had become wrapped in darkness, the blade crumbled to dust, and Sylixis collapsed to the ground.

All around him stood in awe, dumbstruck as they stared at his most trusted lieutenant holding the broken blade in his hand. He moved to stand over Sylixis' corpse and dropped the cowl to reveal not a man, but a woman holding the pommel of a now-dead blade. Gasps and screams erupted as the black horde, once routed and driven off, appeared again in a ring around the remnants of the human army, as if some spell had fallen away. Trapped, surrounded and running out of options, many glares fell to the betrayer, who stood at the center of everything now. Well, the glares started there, but fell to the ground at her feet, where the cloak of fallen Sylixis was smoldering. No sparks had landed there, no torch had light a spark, but nonetheless the fabulously woven if tattered cloak was smoldering!

Stepping back in horror, the betrayer drew her own sword. Intricate runes of green and silver engraved the blade and pommel, and glowed with an angry flare in the flicker of the funeral pyre.

The smoldering cloak gathered strength, and it started with a single flame above his heart. But it grew, first engulfing his chest, then cloak and pants were fully ablaze. Finally it was the entire corpse, burning of it's own volition, but burning with twice the heat of the much larger funeral pyre. An enormous flash blinded all within hundreds of feet of the immolated body, and at last consumed the remnants. Before anyone could respond to the sudden happenings the earth at the betrayer's feet exploded, showering everyone, human and foul creature alike, in a hail of stone and dirt. No longer did gazes linger at the betrayer's feet, but at the man standing behind her, freshly risen from the earth. Sylixis stood before the host once again, but he was not the same. No longer wearing the purple and black robes over his adorned breastplate, he stood before the host wearing a simple red tunic and robe, his face clean shaven, his hair cropped short to his scalp, and the fire of the pyre reflected angrily in his eyes.

His fallen lieutenant turned abruptly, sword at the ready, to face the resurrected threat. But even as her blade came to bear, a ring of flames grew forth from nothingness, separating his men from the dark host; another similar ring, but many times the size burst forth to encircle the black tide, blocking off any escape.

In she lunged towards his heart with her heavily enchanted rapier, hoping to score a swift end to this fight. Her surprise could not have been greater when the weapon became so hot that the flesh of her palm began to melt away from holding it. The weapon fell harmlessly to the cool dirt at her feet, and promptly melted. The release of its potent magic in an angry blue flare dazed her momentarily, and in that time Sylixis closed the remaining distance. Sullen and solemn and without a word he put an open palm with fingers spread to her chest and pressed forward. She resisted the push, but only for a moment. Slowly the fingers began to sink through her clothing. The smell of burning cloth assaulted the sensibilities of the nearest onlookers. As soon as his open palm reached the skin underneath, a sickening gurgle escaped not her lips, but from under Sylixis' hand. His angry eyes flared, and the skin of her stomach began to bubble, then literally boil off of her still living chest! Powerful stenches of sulfur and cooking flesh exploded from the pair like an opened cooking pot. The sound was sickening, like a dog taking water from a bowl with a sloppy tongue as chunk after chuck of melted flesh fell away from her torso. Even the bones of her rib cage were not spared the anger of his rage. The flames burned so hot that the bones boiled the remaining blood and ichor off of themselves before crumbling to powder. With a grim smile, Sylixis leaned toward the living and very much shaking body of his former lieutenant. "Vengeance taken" he whispered in a rasp.

The night air was pierced by her ensuing shriek. A gout of flame erupted from his outstretched palm and she was immolated and fully consumed by the dark flames of green and purple that came out when her soul was pierced. The wails of her damned minions only added to the banshee-like cries as the two walls of fire poured in upon her host. Brimstone and sulfurous smoke choked even the last of the humans standing nearby as it stole the last breaths from the foul creatures before them. As the death throes ebbed, the fires diminished and died. All who were left, turned to see their risen leader, only to find a scorch mark on the ground, in the shape of a bird. As waves of panic swept their camp, the wind picked up. Blowing harder than a gail, and soon a hurricane, the winds swept away the ashes of the fallen, and dragged dirt over the bodies of the men who died in the valley. In but a few short seconds of unbearable wind, the dead were buried, the ashes of their enemies blown to the corners of the world, and a new day's sun was dragged from its slumber to her post in the sky, just past the mark of a new dawn...

Current Mood: busy
Friday, August 4th, 2006
2:39 pm
if this is to be the game
10. Raining Blood

[Lyrics - Haneman, King, Music - Hanneman]

Trapped in purgatory
A lifeless object, alive
Awaiting reprisal
Death will be their acquisition

The sky is turning red
Return to power draws near
Fall into me, the sky's crimson tears
Abolish the rules made of stone

Pierced from below, souls of my treacherous past
Betrayed by many, now ornaments dripping above

Awaiting the hour of reprisal
Your time slips away

Raining blood
From a lacerated sky
Bleeding its horror
Creating my structure
Now I shall reign in blood!
Monday, July 3rd, 2006
3:10 am
thoughts
I have always tried to hold steady, and be the strengthened backbone for my family, my friends, and my relationships. today I find myself failing. I find guilt in the pursuing of my own dreams, simply because they conflict with those of my loved ones, and hurt the one I love most. Why is it that I can find the strength to give my own life to protect her, yet I cannot abandon Wisconsin? Her dreams take her to far away places, on a pace I can not match. Mine take me to the wilderness, the small towns of WI untainted by urban sprawl. Yet to reverse our conditions, to put her in my shoes and mine in hers can be equated to running 40,000 volts through ones body. Where we each want to go is the other's Hell. When we're apart it seems that that has become what we each dwell on and worry about and while many people would toss it all away, I can not. In my darkest hours she has been there, and in my darkest moods the innocent light in her eyes is all it takes to lead me to salvation. I look into her eyes as we're both falling asleep, and I think of nothing else but of waking up to find her still there.

Now we face a great trial, we're confronting the biggest issue there is, the future. After tonight I am as lost as I was this morning. I would imagine that she is in much the same boat. However, I imagine her situation to be worse, much worse and it is something that I can not help with other than what I have already offered; my hand, my heart and my support. Whereas my parents have taken to giving me advice and allowing me my own course, it seems hers still shape some of the current of her life. While innocuous at first, it looks like it's taking a terrible tole, and there's nothing I can do about it. Except wait.

As I was taking a shower I filled my head with everything familiar to try and sort out what to do. My thoughts drifted to Drizzt and Catti-Brie. Both filled with desire, both fearful, and both missing golden opportunities because of it. While I imagine that to be bad, it could have been worse if we hadn't at least started talking about it. I equate that situation to Wulfgar and Delly, one person pursuing their dreams while the other feels held back and left behind to a fate not meant for them. Fortunately we have at least brought the issues to light, (and that there's no Kahzid'khea ;) ) and have begun to address them.

Does it make the worry any less? Does it lessen the fear? No. But no longer do we walk blindly into a thousand orcs, no longer do we suffer the boulders of giants, and no longer do we ride Sunrise in search of Sunset. No, we walk forward to a future that is not set. There's no fate but what you make, or so they say.

Off we go, through All the Empty Places of the World, to a personal Dorakaa. Now more than ever am I thankful for many great friends, and the wisdom they have taught me over the years and the patience they have instilled. To Roo, Ban, and good old Cal I thank you greatly,

I go now to a world of inconsequence, a world where all dreams are met, I go now into slumber, when I awaken it is a new day, and she and I will talk some more.

I want this to work, but it is not all in my hands.

Memoirs of a Horizonwalker,
--Joshua

Current Mood: worried
12:43 am
For those who doubt the supernatural and the divine
courtesy of www.excite.com Horoscopes


Leo
Listening to contrary points of view will be an educational experience today, but not a unique one. Thankfully, you've always been mature enough to listen to what others have to say. But today, while someone makes their case, an amazing thing happens: You just may come around to their way of thinking. Accepting someone else's notions as truth isn't the same as letting go of your own convictions. Do yourself a favor and educate yourself.
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